Thread:Hakimiru/@comment-24366645-20140428023010/@comment-24380832-20140502053923

Glad you found it useful! Explaining isn't really my forte, so let me know if something doesn't make sense, and I'll try to find you a better explanation.

だって彼ったら、我侭だしさ、自己中だし、乱暴だし、もう嫌いなところをあげたらきりがないわ. "だって" is a connecting...word?..that you can use when you're trying to elaborate on a previous point (although it's sort of childish/feminine). For English, maybe something like: "I mean, he's ....". As for the last bit, perhaps you could shorten it a bit to something with a similar feel to make it more natural? Something like "the list of things I dislike about him would be endless"?

Aah, how about I make it sound more casual? For example, just shorten it to "The list goes on forever", I thought it might be fine because it’s already implying that these are bad aspects and she dislikes him for it. Actually, that's perfect! It's spot on. Much better than what I could come up with.

I can’t thank you enough for being so detailed with your response! It exceeded what I was looking for, really thank you. You don’t have to break down all of them, I don’t want to be a bother after all. I just want to know, are any mistranslated? Even slightly. The last thing I want is to completely misinterpret what they are saying. Oh no, it's not a bother at all. I'm in a bit of a slump as it is... I think I mentioned to someone else here (Serenity maybe?) that being a good writer in your target language is really the most important thing for translating. I'm not, which is why I usually prefer having an editor to do it on larger projects.

Also, I actually translated them to Spanish for fun and they sound way better, it just made me realize how complicated rewording things to English can be（´･ω･）

Oh, that sounds interesting. You should...do a Spanish dub for fun! X3 I would totally listen to it.

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Now then, as you requested.... Putting aside some of the smaller details, the main things I noticed are:

Lamorak: "welcoming" isn't exactly wrong per se, and it works fine, but I probably would have chosen "scouting", personally. "Welcoming" has the conotation that she was approaching from her side, whereas 誘う carries the nuance that Arthur was the one who came to her and asked her to join.

Percival: "..とか" = "things like...". So first sentence is like "Decrees... true intentions...things like that mean nothing to me.". Alternative phrasing that strays a bit more from original flow: "Things like decrees and true intentions mean nothing to me". 世界の為 = for the sake of the world. 輝いてくれ = please shine (let me shine = 輝かせてくれ) 光あっての闇 = darkness that exists because of the light. And probably shouldn't ommit the だから at the end, since it changes tone somewhat.

Palamedes: Could use a little polishing, but overall content looks fine to me~

Gareth: 役目 = role. So he's sayng Arthur should have just left that sort of role to him, since he's old and doesn't have many years left. 今更 is like when the chance has already passed. So he's saying even if he says that stuff now there's no point. Rest looks fine.

Taking a break, I'll finish the rest in a bit >w>